Time to blog, anais says. And she's right.
It's been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon....there, that's my salute to Garrison Keillor. One of my small pleasures in life is listening to this show on a quiet Saturday late afternoon. But, in a household where my wife and my son constantly bicker for control of the TV remote control, Garrison doesn't stand much of a chance. Unless they are both out of town and I am home alone.
So it has been a quiet week. My wife and son are visiting the left coast, the TV has been off - except for brief periods of March Madness. Which I much prefer to re-runs of "I love Lucy". I have had enough of Lucy and her games. And the undergraduates have disappeared to the southern playgrounds.
I've been able to catch up on some work that had been piling up. And make some headway on a proposal for what is likely to be a fierce competition for my lab's share of the stimulus money.
Tonight is my last night of quiet time. Just in time for the next round of March Madness. Enjoy the games - I will!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Bones to pick? I can't remember what they were!
It has been two weeks since I last posted. At the time, I was in the midst of a snowstorm barreling up the east coast. Today, in the center of the country, spring is in full bloom. Change is in the air.
My son’s interests have shifted with the change in seasons. Hockey is out, baseball is in. The first practice was last weekend, with another scheduled for today. This is a new team that is playing in a “competitive” league. The level of intensity will be up from last year, with longer practices. Unlike the past two years, I won’t be involved as a coach with his team, as there are already three assistant coaches who are helping the head coach with this team. So I’ll have a couple of hours of free time during his practices.
On another topic: You may recall that, back in January, I approached my wife about the absence of sexual interactions in our relationship. The ensuing conversation covered some important topics, but none of them were discussed in any depth. A couple of weeks later, I suggested a time for us to get, as I called it, “reacquainted”. Her immediate response was “I’ve got some bones to pick with you”, although she would not tell me what those issues were. A couple of days later, I asked her to at least tell me what those “bones” were. She was not willing to at the moment, but said she would let me know what they were when we had time for a private conversation.
So, yesterday, I had a time-consuming errand to run and asked her to lunch after I was done. We had a pleasant lunch, talking about class that she is teaching at a small local college and about our son. Near the end of the lunch, I reminded her that she had some “bones” to pick with me and asked her what they were. Her response? “I can’t remember”. She said that she is feeling pretty happy with me, because I’ve been returning her phone calls and, apparently, paying attention to her. From my perspective, I haven’t been doing anything differently than what I have always been doing. Give me some time, she said, and I’ll remember what the issues were. Whatever - take as much time as you need. Obviously the issues she had were not substantive. On the other hand, the issues that I have remain unresolved.
In thinking about our interactions, I feel like we are playing a slow and easy game of volleyball. I’ll loft a ball over the net into her half-court. Eventually, she hits it back. Is it time to play a different game? Baseball, perhaps. I’m a pretty good hitter and fielder and can throw a mean fastball, though my control is a bit iffy.
My son’s interests have shifted with the change in seasons. Hockey is out, baseball is in. The first practice was last weekend, with another scheduled for today. This is a new team that is playing in a “competitive” league. The level of intensity will be up from last year, with longer practices. Unlike the past two years, I won’t be involved as a coach with his team, as there are already three assistant coaches who are helping the head coach with this team. So I’ll have a couple of hours of free time during his practices.
On another topic: You may recall that, back in January, I approached my wife about the absence of sexual interactions in our relationship. The ensuing conversation covered some important topics, but none of them were discussed in any depth. A couple of weeks later, I suggested a time for us to get, as I called it, “reacquainted”. Her immediate response was “I’ve got some bones to pick with you”, although she would not tell me what those issues were. A couple of days later, I asked her to at least tell me what those “bones” were. She was not willing to at the moment, but said she would let me know what they were when we had time for a private conversation.
So, yesterday, I had a time-consuming errand to run and asked her to lunch after I was done. We had a pleasant lunch, talking about class that she is teaching at a small local college and about our son. Near the end of the lunch, I reminded her that she had some “bones” to pick with me and asked her what they were. Her response? “I can’t remember”. She said that she is feeling pretty happy with me, because I’ve been returning her phone calls and, apparently, paying attention to her. From my perspective, I haven’t been doing anything differently than what I have always been doing. Give me some time, she said, and I’ll remember what the issues were. Whatever - take as much time as you need. Obviously the issues she had were not substantive. On the other hand, the issues that I have remain unresolved.
In thinking about our interactions, I feel like we are playing a slow and easy game of volleyball. I’ll loft a ball over the net into her half-court. Eventually, she hits it back. Is it time to play a different game? Baseball, perhaps. I’m a pretty good hitter and fielder and can throw a mean fastball, though my control is a bit iffy.
Monday, March 2, 2009
A spot of therapy in the midst of a snowstorm
OK - so the snowstorm has moved on. Leaving several inches on the ground and some very chilly weather behind. I am on the Right Coast tonight, doing my scientific civic duty. And enjoying a little break from my daily routine.
I picked up Martha Beck's book titled "Finding your own North Star" while passing through the airport yesterday. Like most books of its genre, it does not say much that is new or profound. But it has some useful insights and exercises. Like the exercise called "Alternate voices". This exercise consists of ten statements for which the reader is supposed to name the people who tell you "no" and who tell you "yes".
I have a problem doing exercises like this is. I don't answer right away. I overthink my answer. But tonight, the answers to several questions came out in a very spontaneous and (presumably) truthful manner. Maybe it was the second glass of wine.
Question #4. I deserve a life of joy and fulfillment.
"NO": My dad.
"YES": P - my best friend from kindergarten.
Question #6. I can be wildly successful at my career.
"NO": My wife.
"YES": An aunt who was my surrogate mom during my college years.
Question #7. I have an amazingly capable brain.
"NO": My wife.
"YES": P; D - my graduate school advisor; several colleagues at the university.
Question #8. I'm perfectly lovable as I am.
"NO": My wife.
"YES": Mrs. H - the mother of my best friend in college.
Why do I allow my wife to occupy so much negative real estate inside of my head?
I picked up Martha Beck's book titled "Finding your own North Star" while passing through the airport yesterday. Like most books of its genre, it does not say much that is new or profound. But it has some useful insights and exercises. Like the exercise called "Alternate voices". This exercise consists of ten statements for which the reader is supposed to name the people who tell you "no" and who tell you "yes".
I have a problem doing exercises like this is. I don't answer right away. I overthink my answer. But tonight, the answers to several questions came out in a very spontaneous and (presumably) truthful manner. Maybe it was the second glass of wine.
Question #4. I deserve a life of joy and fulfillment.
"NO": My dad.
"YES": P - my best friend from kindergarten.
Question #6. I can be wildly successful at my career.
"NO": My wife.
"YES": An aunt who was my surrogate mom during my college years.
Question #7. I have an amazingly capable brain.
"NO": My wife.
"YES": P; D - my graduate school advisor; several colleagues at the university.
Question #8. I'm perfectly lovable as I am.
"NO": My wife.
"YES": Mrs. H - the mother of my best friend in college.
Why do I allow my wife to occupy so much negative real estate inside of my head?
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