Back to reality

I have spent the past week at “summer camp for scientists” - at one of the many week-long small scientific meetings that are held every year for a group of like-minded scientists to get together and talk about their research. About 7 years ago, I moved into a different area of research and have made some important contributions to that area. That line of investigation has led me to another area of research in order to understand a larger question in cell biology that is of profound importance for human health and disease. So the major focus of the meeting that I was at was in that other area of research - which is a well-established field that was defined by a hypothesis put forth by a visionary scientist in the 1950’s. This particular area of research is still filling in the details of that 50+ year old hypothesis, which has generally proved correct. For those who know a little bit about science (or would like to google the details), this hypothesis is all about how our cells turn the food that we eat into energy-rich molecules that enable us to perform all those activities that make us alive.

I left very early on Sunday morning. Sent my wife an email that morning. Called when I got to my destination airport and talked to my son briefly and said that I would call him went I got to the meeting. Turns out that I was not able to get a cell phone connection because only one cell phone company services that area. I sent my wife an email on Monday explaining the situation. Didn’t hear back from her. Sent my son an email on Wednesday and got an email back from him late last night, to which I replied this morning.

Meanwhile, checking my phone messages from him, I found that I had three phone messages from him on Monday and Tuesday, with him quite distressed and unhappy. My wife was angry and unhappy - probably at me for being gone and for any number of other things that are wrong with her life - starting with the fact that she has never liked living in the state where we live. His email on Thursday night was more upbeat - talking about how the baseball game that he had on Monday went - a single, a double and two walks, with his team winning by quite a big score. He has another game tonight, which I will miss.

His phone calls are hard for me to take. It is clear that his life is much easier when I am there - for a number of reasons. But a frequent strand of thought running through the back of my head while I was at this meeting was that my life just isn’t working. This was prompted by talking to (mostly listening) to stories of my colleagues - who are successful, with happy, well-adjusted kids, working at institutions that appreciate what they are doing. It is all too easy for me to beginning sinking into the slough of despair. But now, on the way back home, I am not taking that path. I am successful at my vocation, my son is great and our relationship is getting stronger as he gets older. Financially, we are doing ok - not great, but only two years or so from being completely debt and mortgage free. Yes, the relationship with my wife is not working. But quite a few other things are. And I need to keep giving my attention and effort to those things that matter.