OK - so the snowstorm has moved on. Leaving several inches on the ground and some very chilly weather behind. I am on the Right Coast tonight, doing my scientific civic duty. And enjoying a little break from my daily routine.
I picked up Martha Beck's book titled "Finding your own North Star" while passing through the airport yesterday. Like most books of its genre, it does not say much that is new or profound. But it has some useful insights and exercises. Like the exercise called "Alternate voices". This exercise consists of ten statements for which the reader is supposed to name the people who tell you "no" and who tell you "yes".
I have a problem doing exercises like this is. I don't answer right away. I overthink my answer. But tonight, the answers to several questions came out in a very spontaneous and (presumably) truthful manner. Maybe it was the second glass of wine.
Question #4. I deserve a life of joy and fulfillment.
"NO": My dad.
"YES": P - my best friend from kindergarten.
Question #6. I can be wildly successful at my career.
"NO": My wife.
"YES": An aunt who was my surrogate mom during my college years.
Question #7. I have an amazingly capable brain.
"NO": My wife.
"YES": P; D - my graduate school advisor; several colleagues at the university.
Question #8. I'm perfectly lovable as I am.
"NO": My wife.
"YES": Mrs. H - the mother of my best friend in college.
Why do I allow my wife to occupy so much negative real estate inside of my head?
Monday, March 2, 2009
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2 comments:
I get those no answers from my husband a lot as well. Trying to figure out how to not listen to him or to get him to stop it.
I'm also trying to listen to myself more than others, but it's hard after a lifetime of being told what to feel and what to do.
I am learning how to respond to those "NO" comments in an assertive but non-aggressive manner. It is not easy.
I have found your "Parent" imagery to be useful. Thank you.
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