One of the wonderful notions that JK Rowlings has given us from her vivid imagination is that of the PENSIEVE - a stone receptacle in which memories are stored. Using a pensieve, a wizard can extract thoughts and memories and put them away for reflection at a later time. Of course, humans do this all the time - though imperfectly and often with a whole bunch of emotional content superimposed on the memories of the event.
The image of Dumbledore using the pensieve, in which he pulls a strand of memory from his body and deposits it in the pensieve, is evocative for me of the way my brain works. I have many thoughts - strands of thoughts, really, going through my brain at any one time. And at times, I will pull out a particular strand and focus my attention on understanding what it means and what it is connected to.
The strand for today is reciprocity in relationships. This weekend, my wife went to a workshop in a city about two hours away. She just called and said that she overdid it and will be staying the night with a friend and will be coming back tomorrow morning. I am fine with that - if she needs to rest tonight rather than driving back tonight, that is what she should do. As usual, there are some scheduling complications (both for her work and for our family) that arise from this change in plans, so I am helping her deal with them.
What would happen if the tables were turned? If I was at a meeting and changed my return plans, would she be willing to help with any scheduling complications that arise - without complaining or otherwise letting me know how much I am making life difficult for her?
My initial reaction is no - as my emotional brain brings up memories of her reaction to past events, where changes in my schedule required that she take over certain family responsibilities that I typically assume. My general feeling is that there is a lack of reciprocity in our relationship - where it is a given that she has considerable leeway in her actions and I will act in a supportive and understanding manner, but that I do not have a similar lattitude of actions and can not count on her support and understanding. But is this really true? Time to pull this strand out and deposit in the pensieve. What are the situations that prompt this feeling in me? What are the events in the past that this feeling is based on?
